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 Essential garage/workshop tools...

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2Slow4U
SSXSRider Member
2Slow4U

Number of posts : 1657
Registration date : 2009-05-18
Age : 67
Location : Sevierville, Tennessee

Essential garage/workshop tools... Empty
PostSubject: Essential garage/workshop tools...   Essential garage/workshop tools... EmptySun Jun 12, 2011 10:38 am

DRILL PRESS:
A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.

WIRE WHEEL:
Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprints and hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to say, 'Oh sh--!'

SKILL SAW:
A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.

PLIERS:
Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of blood-blisters.

BELT SANDER:
An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs into major refinishing jobs.

HACKSAW:
One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle... It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future becomes.

VISE-GRIPS:
Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
Used almost exclusively for lighting various flammable objects in your shop on fire. Also sometimes handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub out of which you want to remove a bearing race.

TABLE SAW:
A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles for testing wall integrity.

HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed your new brake shoes, trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.

BAND SAW:
A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.

TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:
A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you forgot to disconnect.

PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw heads.

STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:
A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.

PRY BAR:
A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.

HOSE CUTTER:
A tool used to make hoses too short.

HAMMER:
Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the object we are trying to hit.

UTILITY KNIFE:
Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.

SON-OF-A-B*TCH TOOL:
(A personal favorite) Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling 'Son of a B*TCH!' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the next tool that you will need.

Hope you found this informative.
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Foxfire
SSXSRider Member
Foxfire

Number of posts : 6060
Registration date : 2008-04-01
Age : 68
Location : Bristol, Wisconsin

Essential garage/workshop tools... Empty
PostSubject: Re: Essential garage/workshop tools...   Essential garage/workshop tools... EmptySun Jun 12, 2011 10:41 am

Essential garage/workshop tools... 13435 Essential garage/workshop tools... 13435 Essential garage/workshop tools... 13435 Essential garage/workshop tools... 13435 Essential garage/workshop tools... 13435 Essential garage/workshop tools... 13435 Essential garage/workshop tools... 13435 Essential garage/workshop tools... 13435 Essential garage/workshop tools... 13435 Essential garage/workshop tools... 13435 Essential garage/workshop tools... 13435 Essential garage/workshop tools... 13435 Essential garage/workshop tools... 13435 Essential garage/workshop tools... 13435 Essential garage/workshop tools... 13435 Essential garage/workshop tools... 13435 Essential garage/workshop tools... 13435 perfect10 perfect10 perfect10
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wvyankee2
SSXSRider Member
wvyankee2

Number of posts : 10317
Registration date : 2008-01-22
Age : 58
Location : Cabell Co., West Virginia

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PostSubject: Re: Essential garage/workshop tools...   Essential garage/workshop tools... EmptySun Jun 12, 2011 1:47 pm

aint that a lot of true shit. lol!
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Goose
SSXSRider Member
Goose

Number of posts : 2964
Registration date : 2010-03-15
Age : 70
Location : Barnesville, Ga.

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PostSubject: Re: Essential garage/workshop tools...   Essential garage/workshop tools... EmptySun Jun 12, 2011 3:27 pm

I have most of those tools and I found out after reading this I've been using them properly esp. the SOB tool roflmao
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Hollon
SSXSRider Member
Hollon

Number of posts : 1427
Registration date : 2009-06-13
Age : 57
Location : changes frequently

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PostSubject: Re: Essential garage/workshop tools...   Essential garage/workshop tools... EmptySun Jun 12, 2011 5:53 pm

Yup, that sounds a lot like my tool box.
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ohsresq
SSXSRider Member
ohsresq

Number of posts : 1709
Registration date : 2010-10-25
Age : 45
Location : Dayton,Ohio

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PostSubject: Re: Essential garage/workshop tools...   Essential garage/workshop tools... EmptyMon Jun 13, 2011 9:53 pm

roflmao Essential garage/workshop tools... 13435 roflmao Essential garage/workshop tools... 13435 roflmao
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http://ohsresq@yahoo.com
nocerisdave
SSXSRider Member
nocerisdave

Number of posts : 5674
Registration date : 2008-01-22
Age : 53
Location : Laceys Spring AL

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PostSubject: Re: Essential garage/workshop tools...   Essential garage/workshop tools... EmptyTue Jun 14, 2011 12:16 am

That one still makes me hahahahaha.

I think they left our wire cutters/strippers.
used to cut RZR electrical mods to short.
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KY. Colonel
SSXSRider Member
avatar

Number of posts : 2027
Registration date : 2010-02-02
Age : 65
Location : Lexington, KY.

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PostSubject: Re: Essential garage/workshop tools...   Essential garage/workshop tools... EmptyTue Jun 14, 2011 12:55 am

I have a fully stocked garage. With at least three sob tools on hand at all times!
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Big-R
SSXSRider Staff
Big-R

Number of posts : 16074
Registration date : 2008-02-26
Age : 46
Location : Louisville,Ky

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PostSubject: Re: Essential garage/workshop tools...   Essential garage/workshop tools... EmptyTue Jun 14, 2011 8:41 am

Goose wrote:
I have most of those tools and I found out after reading this I've been using them properly esp. the SOB tool roflmao

And I thought I was doing it all wrong. I am glad Kent posted this. I feel much better now..... Essential garage/workshop tools... 13435 Essential garage/workshop tools... 13435 Essential garage/workshop tools... 13435

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Baditude
SSXSRider Member
Baditude

Number of posts : 1132
Registration date : 2010-06-17
Age : 51
Location : Indianapolis, IN

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PostSubject: Re: Essential garage/workshop tools...   Essential garage/workshop tools... EmptyWed Jun 15, 2011 7:54 am

perfect10

The truth in it makes it all the more funny
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