*Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of
Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog and was
in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a
dog. What did she think I had, an elephant? So since I'm
retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no,
I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I
added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the
hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I
awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of
most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the
way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina
Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry.
The food is *nutritionally complete* so it works well and I
was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that
practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my
story).
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because
the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb
to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack
he was laughing so hard.
Costco won't let me shop there anymore.
Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the
time in the world to think of crazy things to say.
