Old Timers Hospital Stay

OLD TIMER’S HOSPITAL STAY:



Don’t mess with old people............



I am a sick old man.


I was sick and in the hospital.


There was one nurse that just drove me crazy.


Every time she came in, she would talk to me like I was a little child.

She would say in a patronizing tone of voice,

‘And how are we doing this morning’,



Or ‘Are we ready for a bath’, or ‘Are we hungry?’


I had had enough of this particular nurse.


One day, at breakfast, I took the apple juice off the tray and put it in my bedside stand. Later, I was given a urine bottle to fill for testing.

So you know where the juice went!



The nurse came in a little later, picked up the urine bottle and looked at it.


‘My, it seems we are a little cloudy today. ‘


At this, I snatched the bottle out of her hand, popped off the top, and drank it down, saying, ‘Well, I’ll run it through again. Maybe I can filter it better this time.’


The nurse fainted..........

I just smiled.



DON’T MESS WITH ‘OLD’ PEOPLE

My Mom told me this when i was younger saying my grandfather did this to a nurse in the mens ward of the hospital were she candy striped. WOW!!!!!! It brought back a funnt memory of my Grandfather. Mason

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask
over his mouth and nose.
A pretty, young, student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge
bath.
'Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask. 'Are my testicles black?'
Embarrassed, the young nurse replies, 'I don't know, Sir. I'm only
here to wash your upper body and feet.'
He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, please check. Are my testicles
black?'
Concerned that he may elevate his blood pressure and heart rate from
worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and pulls
back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his manhood in one hand
and his testicles in the other.

Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with
them,
Sir!'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly:
'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but, listen very, very
closely......
'A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ??'