some funnies

Two guys were discussing popular family trends on
sex, marriage, and Family values.
Bill said, ‘I didn’t sleep with my wife before we got
married, did you?’
Larry replied, ‘I’m not sure, what was her maiden name?’
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A little boy went up to his father and asked: ‘Dad, where
did my intelligence come from?’
The father replied. ‘Well, son, you must have got it from
your mother, cause I still have mine.’
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‘Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,’ the
divorce Court Judge said, ‘And I’ve decided to give your
wife $775 a week,’
‘That’s very fair, your honor,’ the husband said. ‘And
every now and then I’ll try to send her a few bucks myself.’
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A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed to the Emergency Room, Took the husband aside,
and said, ‘I don’t like the looks of your wife at all.’
‘Me neither doc,’ said the husband. ‘But she’s a great cook and really good with the kids.’
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An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove
a curse he has been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says, ‘Maybe, but you will have to tell me the
exact words that were used to put the curse on you.’
The old man says without hesitation, ‘I now pronounce
you man and wife.’
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Two Reasons Why It’s So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
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A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, ‘Can you tell me
how long it’ll take to fly from San Francisco to New York City?’
The agent replies, ‘Just a minute.’
‘Thank you,’ the blonde says, and hangs up.
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Two Mexican detectives were investigating the murder of
Juan Gonzalez.
‘How was he killed?’ asked one detective.
‘With a golf gun,’ the other detective replied.
‘A golf gun! What is a golf gun?’
‘I don’t know. But it sure made a hole in Juan.’
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Moe: ‘My wife got me to believe in religion.’
Joe: ‘Really?’
Moe: ‘Yeah. Until I married her I didn’t believe in Hell.’
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A man is recovering from surgery when the Surgical Nurse
appears and asks him how he is feeling.
‘I’m O. K. But I didn’t like the four letter-words the doctor
used in surgery,’ he answered.
‘What did he say,’ asked the nurse.
‘Oops!’
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The graveside service just barely finished, when there was
massive clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of
lightning, accompanied by even more thunder rumbling in
the distance…
The little old man looked at the pastor and calmly said,
‘Well, she’s there.’