http://uniformstories.com/articles/humor-category/6-reasons-cops-are-truly-better-lovers-than-firemen6 Reasons Cops Are Truly Better Lovers Than Firemen
I recently read, Billy Galvin's article on 5 Reasons Firefighters are Better Lovers than Cops. Well, my unattractive air tank sporting brother, two can certainly play at that game!
Indeed, the gauntlet has been thrown; no longer are we only debating the merits of our charity softball, hockey or volleyball skills. Now, we must defend our superiority in *ahem* "taking care of business."
I hereby see your 5 reasons and raise you a 6th as to why cops are truly better lovers than firefighters:
1) Cops are always there for you.
cops are better lovers than firefighters. always there for you
"You had me at 'hello', officer." (via bbc.com)
You never know when you need that special attention late at night, right? Well, you could call a firefighter but first you'd have to wake him up from the sleepover he's having with other dudes.
However, cops are always standing ready to respond to your needs because they don't have the luxury of paid bedtime (or recliner time, or Xbox time, or football time, or cooking time). Ladies, don't you do enough trying to get them off the couch at home?
2) Cops don't play games with hoses.
cops are better lovers than firefighters. always there for you
"Unless of course you can't handle your own." (via fyi.uiowa.edu)
1.75", 2.5" or 5" lines, the size doesn't matter. It's still a hose and dudes are still holding it together and dragging it around hoping to not get too tired. There is a reason cops are the profession that has "subject control": because we don't handle hoses, we handle people.
Do you need someone to be able to listen to your story or situation no matter how crazy it is? We do that. Do you need someone to offer a gentle helping hand? Yeah, we can do that; or do you need to be cuffed and taught a lesson!? Oh yeah, we do that too.
3) Cops don't leave the job half done.
cops are better lovers than firefighters. firefighter never finish the job
"Was it good for you?" (via firescenes.net/911 Photography)
Let's face it, we've all witnessed the scene where firemen are standing there looking at the gloriously flooded basement they just saved. In other words, they might have been "doing stuff" for a while, but the job just fell short of anything but disappointing. Sure, the firemen had fun playing with their equipment, but who else really benefited?
Besides, let's not forget firemen don't heat things up; they literally hope to put OUT the flames. If you're looking for a hot night to be dampened by an overly excited guy that just can't wait to dump out his foam, then sure, stick with that firefighter. If you want someone experienced at thrilling situations, a cop is your definite go-to.
4) Cops carry what they need with them.
cops are better lovers than firefighters. carry what they need with them
"Here come the cuffs...if that's what's necessary." (via tactical-life.com)
Firemen love to carry tools around. In fact, they build their trucks unnecessarily bigger to accommodate the tools they will need to get the job done. That's because their personal equipment isn't enough.
Well, cops don't need to go back to the truck to try and find a tool because they carry with them what they need for the job; we don't have to rummage through any drawers to find something that will do the job for us.
5) Cops can be spontaneous or planned out.
cops are better lovers than firefighters. spontaneous or planned attack
"Well it's spontaneous, isn't it?" (source)
Reality check: firefighters are boring; they show up and do the same thing every time. Cops, on the other hand, have to be ready at any time to respond to just about anything and everything in their day. Cops have learned the fine and romantic art of spontaneity.
But hey, being spontaneous isn't always what is preferred. Sometimes you need a well thought out plan and what do you know, cops do that too. We even have whole teams like SWAT dedicated to executing a well thought out plan. So what do you need tonight? Cops have you covered (pun intended).
6) Cops don't have to overcompensate.
cops are better lovers than firefighters. firefighters overcompensate
Seems a little desperate for attention, don't ya think? (via Flickr/Rennett Stowe)
"Oh, look at us in our big red truck!" "Please wave at me!" This is nothing more than a distractionary tactic and a classic case of overcompensation.
On the other hand, you have a police cruiser that is sleek and maneuverable. It has lights that come on when they're needed, but they can be kept off for the more lower profile private moments as requested. Our vehicles are not too bulky and hard to operate and are sometimes not even marked — because it's not about the vehicle anyway per se, but the driver's skill.
At the end of the day, let's be real — who do firemen call when things on scene get out of control? Cops. Trust us, it's OK. We understand that firemen need heroes too! We're here for you too, just like we're here for the scores of unsatisfied lovers you have left in your wake.
Now, in all seriousness, I have tons of respect for the risks firefighters take to serve their communities. Still, it is quite clear who the better lovers are. To my brothers on the thin red line, just admit it so we can all move on!
