To the guy that mugged me...

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To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in Downtown
Savannah night before last. Date: 05-27-09, 1:43 A M
EST.

I was the guy wearing the
black Burberry jacket that you demanded that I hand over,
shortly after you pulled the knife on my girlfriend,
threatening our lives and me.

You also asked for my
girlfriend's purse and earrings.

I can only hope that you
somehow come across this rather important message.

First, I'd like to
apologize for your embarrassment when I drew my pistol after
you took my jacket. The evening was not that cold, and I was
wearing the jacket for a reason.

My girlfriend had just
bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 A CP pistol for my
birthday, and we had picked up a shoulder holster for it
that very evening.

Obviously you'll agree
that it is a very Intimidating weapon when pointed at your
head wasn't it?

I know it probably
wasn't fun walking back to wherever you'd come from
bare footed since I made you leave your shoes, cell phone,
and wallet with me. [That prevented you from calling or
running to your buddies to come help mug
us again.]

After I called your mother,
or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, I
explained the entire episode of what you'd done. Then I
went and filled up my gas tank as well as four other
people's in the gas station on your credit card. The guy
with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was
extremely grateful!

I gave your shoes to a
homeless guy outside Vinnie Van Go Go's, along with all
the cash in your wallet. [That made his day!]

I then threw your wallet
into the big pink "pimp mobile" that was parked at
the curb .... after I broke the windshield and side window
and keyed the entire driver's side of the
car.

Later, I called a bunch of
phone sex numbers from your cell phone.

Ma Bell just now shut down
the line, although I only used the phone for a little over a
day now, so what's going on with that?

Earlier, I managed to get in
two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one
to the FBI, while mentioning President Obama as my possible
target. The FBI guy seemed really intense and we had a nice
long chat (I guess while he traced your number
etc.).

In a way, perhaps I should
apologize for not killing you .... but I feel this type of
retribution is a far more appropriate punishment for your
threatened crime. I wish you well as you try to sort through
some of these rather immediate pressing issues, and can only
hope that you have the opportunity to reflect upon, and
perhaps reconsider the career path you've chosen
to pursue in life.

Remember, next time you
might not be so lucky.

Have a good day!

Thoughtfully yours,

Alex

P.S. Remember this motto.

... An armed society makes for a more civil society!