Yesterday I was buying 2 large bags of Purina dog chow at Wal-Mart,
for my dogs.
I was about to check out when a woman behind me asked if I had
a dog.
What did she think, that I had an elephant?
Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no,
I didn't have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet
again, although I probably shouldn't because I ended up in the hospital last time.
On the bright side though, I'd lost 50 pounds before I
awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming
out of every hole in my body and IV's in both arms.
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and
simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry and that the
food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.
(I have to mention here that practically everyone
in the line was enthralled with my story by now.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the
dog food has poisoned me.
I told her no; I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to
lick my butt and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a
heart attack, he was laughing so hard!
WAL-MART won't let me shop there anymore.
